This is one of my three All-Time Favorite Dreams, along with Hydrox (which is my All-Time Favorite) and George Harrison.  I this dream when I was about twenty years old, and I just found it and the other two written out on a floppy disk in a box.  I’m sure you’ll enjoy it, and the other two as well.

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I was leaving my parents’ house one day, after visiting them, and it was time to go back to the crappy apartment I was living in at the time.  Remind me to tell you sometime about the guy who lived upstairs from us, who had horse sex with his unattractive girlfriend while my roommate and I, the captive audience in the apartment below, listened with a mixture of glee, shame and envy, because while the guy and his girlfriend were both completely unattractive, at least he was having sex, which is much more than you could say for us at the time.  Although, to tell you the truth, I would much rather listen to that than the cute female neighbor next door to us, whose bed (on the other side of my bedroom wall) would bang against the wall when she had sex with her boyfriend.  One particularly miserable night when the guy upstairs was doing his equine thing, and the girl next door was doing her banging thing, my roommate and I just had to leave.  I went in and told him, “Man, we can NOT sit here and be surrounded by this crap.  Let’s get outta here.”

Why did I bring that up?

Oh yeah, the apartment.  What a piece of crap.

OH YEAH, my parents’ house.  I was leaving.  I walked out the front door, down the sidewalk, past the garage, and into the driveway.  This time, however, was not like any other time, before or since.   At the end of the driveway, almost to the house, was a white cup and saucer.  It was about three feet high, and it was full of a strange, soupy substance.  From a distance, the substance looked like a brownish red soup, but upon closer inspection, it turned out to be full of individual body parts.  There were livers, hearts, and organs of every kind mixed up in there, along with bones and all manner of other nastiness.

I saw the soup and thought it was just about the most disgusting thing I’d ever seen in my life.  I turned to walk past the cup and saucer to where my car was parked, when I suddenly heard this laugh.  It was a high-pitched laugh similar to that of Salacious Crumb, Jabba the Hutt’s sidekick from The Empire Strikes Back. But that’s not the weirdest thing.   The weirdest thing was that when I turned around, that’s who was sitting in the soup.  Salacious Crumb.  In the soup.  Laughing at me.  Like you probably are.

Here’s where the story gets really weird.

When I turned and saw Salacious sitting in the soup, I really wanted to show this to my parents, who were in the house.  I decided to open the garage door and go in that way.  As I was doing that, I heard this sloshing sound coming from inside the cup, and from the soup itself.  From the body parts in the soup, this. . .man suddenly appeared.  He was made up of the body parts, which, since he had no skin, were all completely visible inside him.  He just had the merest hint of a skeleton to hold all the pieces together.  Oh yeah, and he was wearing a black top hat.

Salacious let out this huge laugh, you know, the famous cackle from the movie, when he saw that I had seen the Organ Man rising from the soup.  For some reason, though, I wasn’t scared.  In fact, I found it all hysterically funny.  I knew it should be really nasty, but I just couldn’t stop laughing.  This really angered the guy in the soup, by the way.  He started to pull organs out of the soup to throw at me.  Salacious just sat there and cackled.  I was laughing so hard I could barely keep myself vertical, but when the Organ Man stood up and started to climb out of the saucer to come after me, I wasn’t stupid enough to stand there.  I turned and ran through the garage, with organs sailing past me and landing on the cement floor, which made a squishy sound, and hitting the wall next to the door to the house, which made a wooden squishy sound.  It was hilarious and terrifying at the same time.  I opened the door, jumped up the stairs into the house, and slammed the door shut behind me.  I heard a couple of organs splat against the other side of the door, and I chuckled to myself until I heard a thump which was the Organ Man banging on the door, trying to get in.  He opened the door, and I pushed against it as hard as I could to keep it shut, but he was much stronger than you would think a skeleton made of soupy organs would be.

He pushed the door open, and I sprinted up the hall to what used to be my bedroom, first door on the right.  The Organ Man was walking slowly down the hall, and by now he was becoming irate because I’d been laughing at him so much.   Luckily he couldn’t run very fast, so I went into my old room and slammed the door shut, locking it behind me.  That in itself is strange, because my bedroom door never had a lock, which once became fodder for a huge and somewhat ridiculous (in my opinion) argument between my stepdad and me, but that’s a sad story for another day.

The Organ Man came running, in his strange way, up the hall toward my room.  I had my back to the door, panting both from my sprint and from fear, when suddenly there came a mild-mannered knock from the other side of the door.  I thought to myself, Should I let him in? He gently knocked again, and again I wondered. Should I let him in?

I didn’t open the door.  I just hung out in my room for a while until the Organ Man went away.