Wow. Have I really not written since Monday? Well, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, it’s been a crazy week.

I’ve worked overtime two days, and in the evenings it’s been Breanna rehearsal/Breanna gig/Breanna rehearsal/Alyssa dinner and movie, and tonight is tango band rehearsal. I’m especially excited about tonight because we’re auditioning a pianist.

I’ve also been quiet lately because I’ve needed to. Lots of people have been asking how I’m doing, and I just frankly don’t know what to say. Half of the time I’ve been feeling okay about everything, and the other half I’ve been walking around with a lump in my throat. The third half of the time has been consumed by work, and the fourth half I’ve devoted to music. The fifth and final half is where things like laundry and sleep have been relegated to. Lots of people have reached out and called, but I just haven’t felt strong enough yet to reach back. I will as soon as I can, I promise.

Everyone’s been super nice and supportive, but it’s still really hard to talk about. Kelly and I are finally writing again, after two or three weeks of silence, which I think has been really good for both of us. We’re still trying to figure out what our next step is going to be, and she’s dealing with a lot of other things at the moment, so I’m trying to just lay low and let her deal with everything, and we’ll deal with our stuff after that. But I miss her terribly. I’ve had two song lyrics in my head a lot lately.

One is by the Long Winters:
AND IF YOU THINK YOU’RE GONNA BE HERE LONG,
I’M GONNA MISS YOU SO MUCH WHEN YOU’RE GONE.

The other is by Thomas Dolby:
SOME WORDS ARE SAD TO SAY, SOME LEAVE ME TONGUE-TIED,
BUT THE HARDEST WORDS I KNOW ARE
‘I LOVE YOU; GOODBYE.’

I got a call from my dad, which I’m really not up for at the moment. I got a call from my brother, but I haven’t had the heart to call him back. I’m still not myself, and I need this time to heal and figure out what I’m really feeling and thinking.

I slept for two and a half hours last night, from 2:45 until about 5:00, and then dozed for a few minutes before my alarm went off at 7:00.

The driver’s side seat belt on my car is stuck, as of last night, so I have to figure out how to fix it as soon as possible. Here in Oregon you’ll get a big, juicy ticket if you’re not wearing your seat belt. (Plus, driving without it just makes me nervous.) And I have so many gigs and rehearsals, and I take little day trips practically every weekend, so I really can’t afford to have any down time where the car is concerned. Yes, I have a Haynes manual, but I know precious little about cars, and I’m mechanically inept anyway–which is why I have a Honda instead of another of the ancient BMW’s that I love–so any ideas or experiences you have are welcome.

I’ll be around this weekend, but I should tell you that writing is better than calling, because I tend not to answer the phone when I’m feeling like this. Just lettin’ ya know.

Hope everything’s good with you.