How much do I love spam?

Apparently I love it very much, because I’m posting this message. This week I’ve gotten two e-mails with subject lines that stood out from all the rest.

“Add inches to your johnson effortlessly!”

and

“Fatten up your trousersnake.”

‘Fatten up your trousersnake?’ Who would say a thing like that? This kind of thing seems to be purely an e-mail phenomenon. I’m trying to imagine a scenario involving a door-to-door salesman using that as his pitch, or a paperboy back in the 1920’s holding a newspaper aloft and shouting, “EX-tree, EX-tree! Read all about it! Add inches to your johnson effortlessly!”

And of course, the word ‘johnson’ always reminds me of the nihilists in the movie The Big Lebowski. They’re the ones who interrupt Our Hero’s bubble bath, ask him repeatedly, “Vere’s the money, Lebowski?” drop a marmot into the tub and say, “Ve vill cut off your JOHNSON.”

What a strange morning. I’ve only been up for twenty minutes, and I’m already thinking about johnsons. I wish I wasn’t, so I’m going to eat, have coffee, and put on some music. I can’t decide what I’m in the mood to listen to. . .Revolting Cocks? Whitesnake? Tool? Big Black? Helmet? Mr. Big?

So many choices. . .


ha ha