beautiful, funny, sad & true

To continue on a theme that I started recently, I’ve been feeling better lately; better enough, in fact, that I don’t want anything to mess up my equilibrium. So I’ve pretty much given up coffee for the last week and a half, and only had wine a couple of nights in the last two weeks. I’ve been feeling much more like my happy-go-lucky self again, and less anxious and weird all the time.
This weekend, however, I had a couple of funny things happen that upset the metaphorical apple cart. Joan and I went out to see Paris Je T’aime on Friday night, and afterwards we went for sushi. After THAT, we went to Pix Patisserie for dessert. It was pretty fantastic, of course, but we also had a couple cups each of decaf coffee, which despite its name actually does contain some caffeine, as you know. So that, combined with the super-concentrated sugar in the dessert, kept me awake until around two in the morning.

At noon on Saturday, I went to the studio to play some parts for the new Susie Blue CD. (I played accordion, xylophone and Omnichord, just in case you’re keeping track.) I felt all cracked out and anxious the entire time, in a way that was obviously brought on by our post-movie binge the night before. After we were done recording, Susie invited EngineerJason and me to her dinner party that night. She, Jason and a couple of other people had gone mushroom hunting the previous day, so mushroom ravioli was on the dinner menu. Everything was made by hand, and it was mind-blowingly good. Naturally we had to have good wine with it, and also naturally, we had way too much of it, especially considering my practically monastic regimen these last couple of weeks.

So yesterday I was completely hung over. Slept till eleven, then just kinda dragged around for most of the day. I did manage to clean my kitchen and bathroom, though, so the day wasn’t a complete bust. Joan called at around five-thirty, and then she and I went to dinner at a new vegan restaurant called Nutshell. The food was incredible, and the service was fantastic, but there were a couple of things I think are worth mentioning that would keep me from giving it the glowing recommendation that it would otherwise get. The two-person tables are about a foot apart, which some people may not be bothered by, but Joan and I both felt pretty uncomfortable and self-conscious. Plus, when customers are getting up to leave or wash their hands, or waiters are delivering food, you’re more likely than not to be bumped, or get someone’s ass in your face, or worse. Plus, the room itself is reverberant and noisy enough that it can be a difficult to hear your own conversation, but everyone else around you is extremely audible. Like I said; these things may not bother other people, but introverts may have a tough time at Nutshell. To be fair, the restaurant is brand new, and I’m sure these quirks–and a few others that have been mentioned in various reviews–will be worked out over time. The food really is unique and stellar, and I’m definitely going back, but it’ll have to be a time when I’m in the mood for that kind of environment.

Today I’m back on track with the aforementioned monastic regimen, and I’m finally starting to feel my equilibrium returning. It was interesting, though, to have a test to see how all of the new changes have been working for me. I wanted to eliminate things that have been acting on my body, and keeping me on the roller coaster, so to speak, and I think giving up the coffee has made the biggest difference. I feel like I’m getting my easy friendliness back, and my sense of humor too; not to mention the fact that I’m even sleeping better. Crazy, how much something that we take for granted as a part of daily life can have such profoundly negative and strange effects on us.

Crazy how serious and long this blog entry is!

Tonight I’m meeting Crystin Byrd and her husband for dinner, and tomorrow night I have a Breanna Paletta gig. Breanna has another multi-instrumentalist friend who’ll be joining us on mandolin, and I’ll be playing cello, so this should be a cool combination. It’ll be the first time we’ve met or played together. Fun!

Here’s to a good pre-birthday week. The Big Day is now only seven days away!

I have a whole bunch of things I’ve been wanting to write about, but they’re all very disparate and random, so I think I’ll have to settle for an update, at least for now.

Wednesday night I was invited to record some guitar parts and maybe other things too) by BassPlayerChris who plays in Breanna’s band. One of the other people he plays with is named Matt Vrba (yes, that’s spelled correctly; it’s pronounced VERB-uh), and Matt wrote a Christmas song, and he and the band were recording it. They needed some other textural instruments, so Chris called me. I ended up playing electric guitar, xylophone, and Casio keyboard on the song. It was a blast. First time I’d met Matt, but he’s a great guy. Can’t wait to hear how the song turns out. We recorded at Opal Studios with a guy named Kevin Hahn, and everything sounds really great. I’d recommend him without hesitation. It wouldn’t surprise me if our paths cross again.

Last night, Stephanie’s band played at the Hawthorne Theater. We played well, but it was kind of a tough gig. We opened for a well-known band from Canada, but I think we all kinda felt like we’d been jerked around, from the minute we walked in the door. The show was scheduled to start at 8:00, so we all arrived about 6:45. Well-Known Canadian Band was just starting their soundcheck. Someone came and told us that the show was scheduled to start at 9:00, but we’d been telling everybody to be there at 8:00. In addition to that, we were originally scheduled to play first, then a DJ would play for a half-hour or so, and finally Well-Known Canadian Band would play. This seemed like an odd choice of ‘flow’ for a show, so we asked if the DJ could play first. This was agreed to, but we still needed to have a soundcheck too. Fifteen minutes before the doors opened, Well-Known Canadian Band finished their soundcheck, and we were finally allowed to set up our instruments on stage. Luckily, their drummer invited DrummerDrew to use his drums, which cut down dramatically on set-up time, but we still had precious little time to test the vocals, acoustic and electric guitars, bass, and accordion. Plus, can I just take a minute to mention that the sound guy was a complete amateur? Thank you; because he was. Steph’s acoustic guitar kept feeding back during the show, and I didn’t even get to test my accordion’s microphone before the show started. These things are all pretty much unheard of in professional venues. In any decent-sized venue where there are multiple bands on the bill, each band usually gets a half hour or so to test everything, so that the sound crew knows what they’re dealing with and they can make the groups sound as good as possible.

All that aside, the venue was also very strange. It’s an all-ages place, so what they’ve done is divide the room in half; front and back. The front (by the stage) is all-ages, and the back half is the bar area. While we played, it was still early, so everyone was still in the bar area, which meant we were playing to a great big hardwood floor and a half-empty room, which felt a little bit insulting. As performers, all we have to gauge our performance is the audience. If we feel like they’re distant and unresponsive, it’s a bummer, because we either feel like they aren’t enjoying themselves, or that we’re not doing a good enough job.

So all that, combined with the showtime issues, made for a frustrating experience.

The good news about the show was that BoringFish was there. It was great to see her, even though conversation was a little difficult; shouting over a band isn’t the most conducive environment. But she’s great, and shouting at each other is infinitely better than not seeing each other at all.

The other good news about the show is that the band played well. DrummerDrew and BassistWill are really fun to play with, and they’re getting comfortable and stretching out in a great way. Last night was also the debut gig for my new guitar amp (not to mention the new amp stand that I bought while I was on my lunch break), and it sounded fantastic. So that was really nice, but the gig itself was still really frustrating, overall.

This week at work has been infinitely more stressful than usual, too. Normally there are two other people (or sometimes even three) who work in my department, but this week one of them had her grandmother die, and the other has a daughter who just had her first baby. So Wednesday, Thursday and today I was alone. It was totally crazy, and I’m totally exhausted, which is why I’m sitting here writing in my blog and doing laundry on a Friday night, despite a couple of offers to go out.

In other news, I’m going to a Music Business workshop tomorrow afternoon, to learn about contracts, distribution deals, production deals, and all that sort of stuff. There’s a guy here in town who’s an entertainment lawyer, and he’s given workshops and lectures about these issues regularly (but not often) for two or three years now. He’s a really great guy, and I’ve wanted to attend one of his workshops for quite a while. This comes at the perfect time, too, because I’ve had lots of good opportunities come my way recently, and I hope to be able to capitalize on them.

And now I’m going to get off the computer, because I’ve spent all day using one at work, and I’m starting to get sore. Plus, I bought a DVD today called “The Legend of 1900”, which my friend Leila told me I need to see. I stumbled upon a used copy at Everyday Music, so I decided to go ahead and buy it. I think I’m going to go watch it now.

I hope all’s well with you.

Dream #1 – The Inept, Peeing Caregiver

In this dream, I found myself in the role of a caregiver, for a middle-aged woman in a hospital room. I discover pretty quickly that I’m not up to the job, but for some reason I keep trying, and end up completely sacrificing my own needs for that of this other person. I don’t so much as go to the restroom, eat or sleep all day. Finally I decide to take a break, and so I go to the toilet in the corner of the room to urinate–for a really long time–when suddenly the nurse walks in the room. I’m embarrassed, but I’m still peeing, so I smile and give her a well-what’re-ya-gonna-do look and turn away. She does too. The person I’m caretaking walks into the room next–she’s been asleep in the other room–and I continue to pee. The toilet has disappeared by now, and I’m just peeing all over the floor. I’m barefoot, standing in a puddle about four inches deep. Completely disgusted and humiliated, I grab toilet paper and try to dab it up. Obviously it’s impossible, so I grab two paper towels, crumple them up and start dabbing. This is no good either. I think, “Maybe I should get a real towel.”

Gosh. I wonder what this dream was about.

* * *

Dream #2 – Almost the Feel-Good Movie of the Year

Audrey Tautou and a guy are a good-looking young couple. They’re driving home from a date, smiling and laughing, and the car flips over. It continues to speed along, upside down, and both of them are trapped underneath it. We see their hands get trapped and mangled. When we see them next, the two of them are in a hospital room, and their heads are bald, bulbous and completely swollen, like that of the Elephant Man, or Mon Mothma (from Star Wars, dontcha know). They both consider suicide, but decide that they want to live, and even to keep dating, despite their deformities. There’s a shot of them making love–a blue blanket pulled completely over them–with his head bobbing up and down underneath the blanket. I predict that this movie would give The Feel-Good Movie of the Year a serious run for its money. It’s got everything; love, tragedy, human drama, but most of all, it’s a story about the triumph of the human spirit.

* * *

P.S. I can’t decide if I want the name of my autobiography to be “The Inept, Peeing Caregiver” or “Bald, Bulbous and Completely Swollen.”

Maybe you can help me decide? Thanks!

Despite my melancholy-ness in the morning, yesterday and today were great.

In the afternoon, I recorded more accordion parts for the upcoming Susie Blue CD. We also tried some piano, glockenspiel, and acoustic guitar parts, but as usual, the unsung hero of the day was the Omnichord. That little thing has proven to be worth its weight in gold.

After I got home from the recording session, Joan and I went to see Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soapbox, and it was amazing. We were surprised by the amount of sadness and pain their family has endured throughout the generations, including the current one. Fantastic story; much more about family dynamics and spiritual worldviews than about soap, definitely.

From there we went to Hama Sushi, where neither of us had been before, but turned out to be a hidden treasure. Their sushi was incredibly affordable, yet still very well-made and tasty at the same time.

After we’d had our fill of sushi, we went to Ikea. It wasn’t Joan’s first time there, but it was mine. She bought a small bag full of cool things for like $35, but somehow I ended up empty-handed. I was really only there to look, since I’ve bought so much new stuff for my apartment already. I was impressed by their use of space in their designs. Many of the pieces are meant to cram as much functionality as possible into as small a space as possible. Oh, and they also have frozen yogurt cones. :)

This morning was S & W’s wedding, which was beautiful, personal, and incredibly touching. My favorite part was where they had each guest drop a rock into a container while they poured salt over it, creating a container full of salt and stones, which symbolized the friends’ good wishes and hopes for their future. It was really beautiful. I dropped in the biggest stone I could find. Oh, and during the reception, guess who caught the garter? That’s right; good ol’ Mr. T.

Oh yeah; in case you didn’t know, my nickname is Mr. T.

The rest of the day I spent on apartment-related stuff. I found out last night that what I’d bought last week and had been using as an incredibly uncomfortable, heavy, small comforter actually turned out to be something called a ‘featherbed’ which is supposed to go UNDERNEATH the mattress pad, and make your bed softer and more padded than it was before. Sweet! As if it was possible to love my bed any more. So I put the featherbed where it belonged, and got an actual comforter.

In addition to that, I got rid of my old CD shelf (it went to someone else in my building) and a bunch of books and stuff are going to Goodwill tomorrow morning. I also put the little shelves I got from Alyssa in my bedroom, and rearranged my books and CD’s appropriately, which means that the living room is now even more opened up, and the bedroom no longer has books, CD’s, and instruments strewn all over the floor. Quite a successful day, I’d say.

Now I’m having a glass of wine and watching a nature show about macaws.

Can’t wait to try out my new-and-even-better-than-it-was-before bed. If you’ve been reading my blogs since the MySpace days, you already know how much I was in love with it, and that I’ve already raved about it at great length, but now it should be even softer and more amazing. I’m not sure how that’s possible, but I can tell you that a third–or for me, it’s probably more like a fourth–of my life just got that much better.

I’m a bit melancholy today.

I don’t think it’s anything big–most likely caused by the myriad of small worries and anxieties that have come to the surface lately, mixed with a liberal dose of exhaustion–but it’s there nonetheless, and I’m feeling it today.

It’s been a pretty decent week, though. My friend Jeannie came to visit from Virginia last week, and we finally got a chance to have lunch together on Monday. It was great to see her, and the ‘scuttlebutt’ or whatever is that she’s planning to move back to Portland in a year, after her job contract is up for renewal. Or, I suppose, NON-renewal.

The Steph Band played a show at a park down in Lake Oswego the other night, which was filmed by two local television stations. Two impossibly chipper women from the “E-Zone” came out and introduced us, telling us to “be sure to tune in and find out when tonight’s show will be aired” and all that. There were two or three camera operators, and even a crane. We all kept smiling at each other in a ‘nudge-nudge-wink-wink’ kind of way, like we couldn’t believe all this was happening for just a little ol’ band like ours. Tony Furtado joined us on guitar and banjo, and Breanna Paletta sang harmony vocals. It was about ninety degrees outside, even before the stage lights were turned on, and it seemed that every time a camera was pointed in my direction, a larger trickle of sweat would run down my face. Yeesh. I’m sure the show will be fine, though.

Thursday I was a basket case, so I stayed home and worked on my apartment. I got a couple of little lamps to go on top of the new bookshelves, and cleaned up all the random boxes of stuff that’s been floating around, some of which has been there since I moved in a year ago. I took my chair downstairs to the basement, to make more space in here, and that made a dramatic improvement. The only thing I have left to do is decide which pictures I want to get printed and framed, now that I have the perfect places for them.

Last night was S & W’s pre-wedding party. They’re getting married on Sunday morning, so last night they had a string of events for their various friends and family members to come and hang out with them. We/they started off at Vincente’s, then moved to the Lucky Labrador, then a handful of the group–myself not included–went 80’s dancing at the Fez Ballroom. It was fun, but both places were extremely loud, especially the Lucky Lab, so I could only hear about every fifth word of the conversations, which is extremely frustrating for me. I’m an introvert by nature anyway, but I AM getting better at reaching out and paying attention, so I felt very frustrated that I just couldn’t hear well enough to stay engaged. (Get it? STAY ENGAGED at a WEDDING PARTY? Now THAT’S good comedy, and THAT’S what keeps you reading this blog.)

This afternoon I’m going to record more accordion parts for Susie Blue’s upcoming CD, then Joan and I are going to see a documentary called “Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soapbox”, which I wanted to see when I went to Seattle to see Paprika a couple of months ago. It looks really great, and Joan’s one of the few people I know who appreciates a good documentary the way I do. From there, we’re going to Ikea to check out the new store. It’s all about keeping her occupied, because the guy she’s been with for the last year just started seeing somebody else, so she’s looking for ways to be out and about and distracted from thinking about all that.

We’ll see what the rest of the weekend brings, but it’s been a few days since I’d written, so I thought I should check in with you and keep you updated.