Man, yesterday was rough.

Work was the usual; boring and stressful, and I pretty much sleepwalked through the entire day. Got home to find an e-mail inviting me to listen to some early mixes of some songs that I played on a month or so ago. I listened, to find that half of the stuff I’d played had been either deleted completely or otherwise pretty well buried in the mix.

I decided to watch a movie to try and cheer up, but that didn’t help. I realized that I’d left my phone in my bag, and when I went to get it, there was a message from my dad. He asked me to please return his call, because they’re leaving the country on Friday, and he wanted to check in with me before they go. As tuned out as I felt, I figured it was the perfect time. I laid on my bed in the dark, only half-listening to his braggadocio and stories. We ‘talked’ for about twenty minutes, and then he had ‘stuff to do, and I’m sure you do too’, so I told him that I hope they have a great trip, and that was about it. I came away from the conversation feeling even worse.

I went in and dinked around online for a while longer, but my heart wasn’t in it, so I decided to go to bed early, and read or something. Even that didn’t work. I couldn’t focus on the book at all, so I put it down, shut the light off and laid there, on the verge of tears.

When I fell asleep, I had a dream that involved MostRecentExGirlfriend, in which she invited me to a party with a bunch of her friends. You’d think that would be a fun dream, but things didn’t exactly go as we planned, and we ended up either arguing or trying to avoid each other the entire time. It was a very sad and frustrating dream.

I feel worse this morning than I did yesterday, but I have my fingers crossed nonetheless. If you’ve been trying to get in touch with me lately, I apologize. I’ve been feeling very strange for about two or three weeks now. I’ve been avoiding phone calls, for the most part, and wanting to be alone a lot more, to a degree that is unusual even for me. This last weekend was great, though, and the dinner/movie/conversation with Joan last night was great also. I’m sure this weirdness will pass, but I haven’t felt this listless in years.

It’s below freezing today, but it’s supposed to be sunny and nice again, so I think I’ll bundle up and walk to work, which is a great way to wake up, and it always makes me feel good. I walked yesterday too.

I hope this listlessness passes soon; this is not my idea of living.